thecouchisalive

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thecouchisalive

8Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Los Angeles, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3037
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About thecouchisalive : I have no social life so I read FML's all day every day. Still haven't gotten one posted...

thecouchisalive's page activity

Visits<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - 5 hours ago<b>junko</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 11:12pm<b>lovegrn18</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34pm<b>shamalala</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 11:32am<b>SaintGoobers</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 10:42pm<b>yve1220</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 5:22pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 3:47pm<b>getfokinrektm8</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 2:06pm<b>GoldFishPony</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 10:55am<b>bitchs_and_hoes</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 8:33am<b>Epickiller</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 8:04am<b>CFB_FRS</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 7:21am<b>itta_pupu</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 7:17am<b>Ericv63</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 6:40am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 5:57pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 11:07pm<b>ToxicPlant</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 10:21pm<b>Greatsoulme</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 4:06am

Fucked!<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - just now<b>shamalala</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 5:04pm<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 3:33pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 11:58am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 9:32am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:48pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 1:03pm<b>lhuss12</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 10:42pm

thecouchisalive's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of thecouchisalive's badges

thecouchisalive's favorite FMLs

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Kids

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

by Notpunny / 04/18/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 2:01am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

by piss off / 04/08/2016 at 6:05pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2016 at 5:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

by dickface / 03/31/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

by thegirlwiththedumbassbf / 03/23/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML

by ReComatosed242 / 03/08/2016 at 7:29pm / Bahamas / Work

Today, I got written up for coming in to work stoned. I wasn't stoned, I'm just goofy. FML

by h00tzForOsi / 02/28/2016 at 2:45am / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML

by ishyboo / 02/27/2016 at 5:59pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love