About thecouchisalive : I have no social life so I read FML's all day every day. Still haven't gotten one posted...
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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thecouchisalive's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Kids
Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Notpunny / 04/18/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 2:01am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by piss off / 04/08/2016 at 6:05pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML
by Anonymous / 04/08/2016 at 5:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by dickface / 03/31/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by thegirlwiththedumbassbf / 03/23/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML
by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ReComatosed242 / 03/08/2016 at 7:29pm / Bahamas / Work
by h00tzForOsi / 02/28/2016 at 2:45am / United States (Rhode Island) / Work
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
by ishyboo / 02/27/2016 at 5:59pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love