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thecouchisalive

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thecouchisalive

3Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 872
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About thecouchisalive : I have no social life so I read FML's all day every day. Still haven't gotten one posted...

thecouchisalive's page activity

Visits<b>kansah</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 7:03am<b>darthgagemo</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 3:58am<b>FloWPs</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 3:24pm<b>chloesma</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 10:28pm<b>Hash13</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 8:42am<b>royr7395</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 1:30am<b>gis0392</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 11:20pm<b>zBerryz</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 11:25pm<b>juststephhere</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 11:41pm<b>tazmanmike2013</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 1:26am<b>colton_colton</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 3:27pm<b>samanthagood</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 11:52pm<b>kmarshofmywindow</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 12:58pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 11:46pm<b>GEORGETOWN_22</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 2:47pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 10:40am<b>nina0917</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 10:01am<b>vlalam</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 8:48am

Liked!<b>gshocker20</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:48pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 1:03pm<b>lhuss12</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 10:42pm

thecouchisalive's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of thecouchisalive's badges

thecouchisalive's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (4532)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

#21365892
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29817) - you deserved it (2348)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

#21356191
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35378) - you deserved it (3388)

On 02/14/2015 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30841) - you deserved it (10231)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36947) - you deserved it (4336)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

#21308242
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33327) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/29/2014 at 4:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (3857)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

#21296872
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47465) - you deserved it (4879)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17041) - you deserved it (30760)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

#21286814
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31573) - you deserved it (4979)

On 10/28/2014 at 3:40am - animals - by thewrittenrebel - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30306) - you deserved it (4777)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

#21269125
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40065) - you deserved it (4841)

On 10/01/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by notatherapist - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

#21264874
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31835) - you deserved it (3135)

On 09/25/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by disgusted - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML



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