thecandyswiper

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thecandyswiper

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1896
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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thecandyswiper's page activity

Visits<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:34am<b>crzyry</b> - the 12/12/2009 at 3:41am<b>Denz</b> - the 07/20/2009 at 10:10am<b>roundnproud</b> - the 06/25/2009 at 12:59am

thecandyswiper's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

thecandyswiper's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

by RoxMySox / 12/24/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

by drugbaby / 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

by ID10t / 11/10/2009 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 12:09pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

by homewrecker / 11/08/2009 at 10:39am / United States / Love

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

by mylifereallysuks / 11/08/2009 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML

by SnuggieOverload / 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

by whatproject / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

by jaskyriddims / 09/16/2009 at 3:58pm / Dominica (Saint George) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

by Missy / 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2009 at 3:19pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

by ForeverEmbarrassed / 08/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

by Ouch / 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids