About theboringdolphin : hi everyone(: I love people with an awesome sense of humor, I love to read & listen to music. I'm into Anime and I'm in a couple of fandoms. I'm not sure what else to say about myself but if you wanna know more feel free to leave a message!
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theboringdolphin's favorite FMLs
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
by Bob H. / 10/26/2014 at 9:54am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML
by iskiel / 10/26/2014 at 1:53am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML
by not on life, that's for fucking sure / 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 10:10am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Love
by RyoKioKio / 10/24/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML
by anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:47am / Austria (Wien) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by Alexismaria / 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML
by Rachel / 10/23/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Ohio) / Love
- Today my manager tried to force me to sign an employee contract (I've worked here a year) that she… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…