About theboringdolphin : hi everyone(: I love people with an awesome sense of humor, I love to read & listen to music. I'm into Anime and I'm in a couple of fandoms. I'm not sure what else to say about myself but if you wanna know more feel free to leave a message!
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theboringdolphin's favorite FMLs
Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML
by the long distance guy / 04/08/2014 at 3:56am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML
by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML
by trp007 / 04/06/2014 at 11:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML
by Anonymous / 04/06/2014 at 5:07pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
by =( / 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 10:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML
by armtits and big pits / 04/05/2014 at 3:14am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Health
by kubbyp / 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Welshite / 04/03/2014 at 4:53pm / United States / Work
by wiona / 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML
by MonsieurH / 04/03/2014 at 3:44am / France (Bretagne) / Animals
by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc / 04/02/2014 at 5:22pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love
by anon / 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health
- Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two… Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally,… Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account…