About thatotk : You better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout, I'm telling you why. If you make a sound, you.. will die.
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thatotk's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 5:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by JJMan217 / 04/03/2011 at 3:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML
by FailedSniper / 03/22/2011 at 12:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
by parenting_failure / 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm / Kids
Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML
by musicmaniac13 / 03/18/2011 at 3:08pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML
by emm / 03/18/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by thisblows / 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
by Laura / 03/11/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
by thenotsomanlyman / 03/07/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Animals