team_cookies

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team_cookies

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 October 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 766
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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team_cookies's page activity

Visits<b>orangesbebae</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 2:38pm<b>Aukrenchi</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 2:27am<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 11:22pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 11:53am<b>hannah_cheers</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 2:17pm<b>elvis103</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 10:53pm<b>dante_53</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 1:29am<b>MRVOlivia</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 6:20pm<b>Rozay333</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 10:56pm<b>SundayNightSix</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 11:42pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 11:02pm<b>prettytreekitty</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 9:23am<b>linyah</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 12:26am<b>BellaBelle</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 1:30am<b>darkblue92</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 2:54pm<b>Squirrel1256</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 2:34pm<b>chabelo</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 9:28pm<b>KVKdragon</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 7:06pm

team_cookies's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of team_cookies's badges

team_cookies's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

by the unfortunate man / 07/19/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 1:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

by Jer / 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

by brokeandhungry / 07/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States / Kids

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

by awwimanahole / 07/04/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

by VictoriaLeavitt / 06/24/2013 at 8:35pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

by sadpoorlady / 06/22/2013 at 5:22am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Holidays

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

by poisonivyretard / 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

by scared-straight / 05/27/2013 at 12:05am / United States / Animals

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

by dating a fucking idiot / 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

by hatemyboss / 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work