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taylorbreanne

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taylorbreanne

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  • Number of visits : 68
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

taylorbreanne's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30005) - you deserved it (3260)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28465) - you deserved it (2780)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47514) - you deserved it (6146) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40965) - you deserved it (2771)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29815) - you deserved it (3253)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35006) - you deserved it (3169)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53680) - you deserved it (7246)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

#20419819
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84017) - you deserved it (25911)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15234) - you deserved it (35168)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55831) - you deserved it (9897)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)



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