About talkomatic713 : Can't imagine anyone looking to FML for conversation...but if the feeling strikes you, send me a message.
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talkomatic713's favorite FMLs
Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML
by Ms. Piggy / 03/02/2014 at 2:09pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money
Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2013 at 4:57pm / Argentina / Health
Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML
by Opheliae / 07/29/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by leeceetaylor99 / 07/15/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by bloody / 06/15/2013 at 4:57am / United States / Love
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
by MommaAnnie / 05/02/2013 at 11:59am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML
by Thanks Babe / 04/20/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by soontobesingle / 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Love
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
by SwinginSolo / 03/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass… Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the… Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I…