Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Milwaukee, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 April 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7423
  • Number of comments : 307
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About tacojauns : I love Animations, Cartoons, Newgrounds, YouTube, Kenny Vs. Spenny(TV Show), Music (Ska, Oldies and Punk are my favorite) and other things like snowmobiling, motorcycleing, hunting, paintball, gambling, Texas Hold 'em etc... message me about anything if you'd like. I'm a regular on this site maybe not a regular commenter but I'm on here pretty much daily P.S. sometimes I write good comment sometime bad most of my comments are sarcastic. oh well

tacojauns's page activity

Visits<b>oops6663</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 10:32am<b>thesteamygamer</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 10:51pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 8:52pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 6:33pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 3:48pm<b>FrostyKittens</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 10:39pm<b>obviouslywaffles</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 8:25am<b>Rhewn</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 4:34pm<b>Booksawhi</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 8:50pm<b>aaliyahmlp</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 3:54pm<b>HeidiZiggler</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 10:19pm<b>172pilot</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 3:52am<b>mjalexsmith</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 10:33pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:08am<b>xbread</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Dedebu</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:44pm<b>Destroyer_2_2</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 7:04pm<b>XandraHart</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 2:05pm

Fucked!<b>oops6663</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 4:32pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 8:56am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 7:03am<b>zarabsegin</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 5:25pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 1:03am<b>FrostyKittens</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 6:37am<b>mwali02</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 7:22pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 4:26pm<b>pait_loves_shane</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 3:48pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 1:00pm<b>Bozo_the_cat</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 9:57am<b>annapanda143</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 4:03pm

tacojauns's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?


You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

See all of tacojauns's badges

tacojauns's favorite FMLs

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (4569)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML


I agree, your life sucks (9628) - you deserved it (30061)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24532) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm - misc - by Likian5 (man) - United States

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML


I agree, your life sucks (24521) - you deserved it (1664)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16745) - you deserved it (34334)

On 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm - misc - by karmaquestionmark (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28427) - you deserved it (4079)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25878) - you deserved it (4202)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31044) - you deserved it (3161)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34389) - you deserved it (3728)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29773) - you deserved it (3067)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21329) - you deserved it (4003)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML


I agree, your life sucks (10394) - you deserved it (36063)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33238) - you deserved it (4927)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Scarlatine's illustrated FML
  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: