About taco_bender : Well im mexican and 20. Not in jail and havent got any girls pregnant so im a little off track. Hahaha. I am not a taco bender but i heard they make good money. I always wondered why you dont see taco benders in NFL games or NBA games. Not even MLS games. Thts soccer. If u know the reason message me Hahaha so if u see a taco bender might be me. Hahahaha.
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taco_bender's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML
by M.A. / 02/25/2014 at 12:22am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by KatieB / 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
by DanteWest1000 / 04/03/2012 at 12:43am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
by yelyah / 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
by purple / 03/24/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML
by lyla / 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML
by S. Michaels / 03/14/2012 at 11:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML
by banned / 03/09/2012 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by RZ / 03/07/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Rachel / 03/01/2012 at 4:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by i2xl / 02/24/2012 at 10:28am / Canada / Miscellaneous
- Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…