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2day I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover . She couldn't find my eyelash curler , but decided that if she used scissors lightly , it would work just the same . Needless to say , it did not work . FML
Today, I was sitting in mah school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
Today, I Was Calling My Husbandhile Driving. While The Phone Rang, I Farted. As Soon As The Horrid Smell Hit My Nose, My Husband Answered. I Panicked And Hung Up Quickly, Thinking To Myself How Embarrassed I Was Because He Could Smell It. I'm An Idiot. Big Fat FML
Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML
Today , mother and I went to a meeting at school about a camping trip the students in grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came , mother raised her hand and loudly asked , ( What if child is on their period during the trip? ) FML
TODAY , I MET MY GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS. HER HUGE , EX-MARINE FATHER TOOK ME OUT BACK , SAYING HE WANTED TO SHOW ME SOMETHING. THAT SOMETHING WAS A MACHETE. HE SAVAGELY BURIED IT IN A TREE STUMP AND SAID , ( SON , IF YOU BREAK MY DAUGHTER'S HEART , THAT'LL BE YOUR DICK. ) REAL FML
Today, I was watcing a kid at scool walk lika a gangstar. My taacar was standing tara, so I stood baind ta kid and walkd lika im, lauging to mysalf, at wic point my taacar took ma to ona sida and told ma ta kid was andicappd. FML
Today, wilst stacking te dis waser I dropped a steak knife . Luckily, I caugt it just before it it ma foot . I fist-pumped to celebrate ma amazing catc an stabbed myself in te ceek . My parents couldn't stop lauging all te way to te ospital . fat FML
Today , I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé , when he jumped up an viciously sat on my face. I then heard , smelled , an tasted the most violent , horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth , an he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Friday 27 March 2015