swaggalikethat

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Offline (the 09/29/2014 at 3:09pm)

swaggalikethat

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2356
  • Number of comments : 101
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About swaggalikethat : I read these while sitting on the John…you know, just for a laugh. Does that mean other people's pain is my pleasure? I don't talk a lot cuz no one really listens. Message me, I'm bored.

Oh yeah things i liiikke…
Boxing
Anime
Spongebob
Video games
Mayday Parade
Green Day
All Time Low
A Day to Remember
Newfound Glory
Panic At The Disco
Stargazing
Running
Poetry
Daydreaming
Guitar
Traveling

…me in a nutshell

swaggalikethat's page activity

Visits<b>PandoraHeart</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 11:33am<b>triangularfrog</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 11:31am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 4:25pm<b>Driving_Gaming</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 6:04am<b>One_Way</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 1:52am<b>YourWitchAnnaG</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:48pm<b>JetCyclone27</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 8:12am<b>paintedchocolate</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 11:08am<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 5:56pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 7:23am<b>pureportedpear</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 4:46pm<b>Jose2018</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 12:28am<b>yuggi1</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 6:00pm<b>annamaria55555</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 10:00pm<b>mdc1</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 8:26am<b>Grmpman</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 11:51pm<b>earlyslayer126</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 2:16pm<b>DaJoGri</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 4:32pm

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swaggalikethat's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

by BetterThanChocolate / 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm / Norway (Nordland) / Work

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

by belljars / 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

by MILF / 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

by derped-out sperm / 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm / Ireland / Kids

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Health

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

by butterbody / 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML

by Dr.Anonymous / 03/22/2014 at 7:56am / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 1:14am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous