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svetdoe's favorite FMLs
by Where is the faith in Humanity / 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML
by pissedandcomputerless / 11/07/2013 at 1:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 12:12pm / Ireland / Health
Today, I was in a public restroom when my almost-2-year-old figured out how to open the door and run out. Half-a-dozen strangers watched me scramble to pull up my pants and moon everyone before running after her. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 10:23am / United States / Kids
Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML
by nevergoingtopeeagain / 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
by s3xygrandpa / 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by lbg2msf / 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (Mississippi) / Animals
by pathetic / 11/06/2013 at 8:04am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 9:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML
by Female_Lucifer / 10/20/2013 at 9:02am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by cantcloselegs / 10/20/2013 at 8:39am / United States / Health
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…