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superxmario91's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
superxmario91's favorite FMLs
by BMTH2296 / 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm / United States / Geek
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm / Australia / Kids
by nehadrihan / 03/20/2014 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML
by Anonymous / 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by KEA_08 / 03/20/2014 at 1:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML
by systematicpanic / 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/19/2014 at 10:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML
by BigBlue / 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2014 at 2:25am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I had to study for an important test but I could barely focus because my roommate had his music blasting at full volume. Since we get along well, I decided to put up with it. I just found out he forgot to turn it off and left over 6 hours ago. FML
by lovehaterelationship / 03/10/2014 at 2:43pm / Austria (Steiermark) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 12:38pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by fuck russia and fuck georgia too / 03/09/2014 at 2:38pm / Azerbaijan / Intimacy
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by chuchundra / 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm / United States / Animals
by biwhat / 03/08/2014 at 4:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph… Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans… Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having…