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strokesie's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/17/2012 at 3:01am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Stung / 02/10/2012 at 9:13am / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
by 11niko / 02/01/2012 at 11:57pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Rebecca / 01/15/2012 at 7:36pm / Canada / Transportation
by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
by eakthegeek / 01/10/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
by Cookie / 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm / South Africa / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
by Grubendol / 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…