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strokesie's favorite FMLs
Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML
by fucking fuck off / 01/01/2016 at 9:28am / United States / Work
by Marika / 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML
by Hey_Buddy_ / 06/10/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML
by flibbertigibbet / 05/07/2015 at 4:56pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 9:39am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2015 at 1:56am / Asia/Pacific Region / Work
Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML
by MyPrecious... / 03/10/2015 at 8:33pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/14/2015 at 7:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML
by Investing in Toilet Seatbelts / 02/14/2015 at 4:46am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML
by briiiiiiii123 / 01/12/2015 at 2:56am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by MegasaurusRex89 / 10/17/2014 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to… Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's… Today, while having sex with the guy I have seen for about 3 years, he answered the phone. I found…