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steele95's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
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You've liked someone. How cute!
steele95's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by shelbylove115 / 02/22/2013 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 9:01am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:44am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
by an idiot / 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm / Australia / Money
by uhoh / 02/16/2013 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by jakeeey / 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health
by pigtails / 01/16/2013 at 7:21am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Sydney / 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I… Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said… Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling…
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…