About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by wtf / 08/26/2012 at 1:03am / New Zealand (Southland) / Love
Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 12:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
by mikeissad / 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML
by Dumbfounded / 08/08/2012 at 7:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by mcase / 07/31/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Kids
by strangebeans / 07/25/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML
by artdegreemyass / 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML
by Alanis / 07/20/2012 at 9:59pm / United States / Love
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
by wife of a shithead / 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
by apparantlyStupid / 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…