About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
by scaredinnyc / 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by bummed and broke / 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm / United States / Money
by jailofc / 11/07/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work
by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
by Watchtower? More like fortress. / 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm / Norway (Oslo) / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML
by Faker / 10/16/2012 at 5:44pm / United States / Health
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2012 at 12:51am / United States / Kids
by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by JB / 09/09/2012 at 4:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML
by juliannamelissa / 09/06/2012 at 2:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML
by Kat / 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date night down a dirt road to a field in the middle of… Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to… Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply…
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn…