About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 3:14am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML
by it's just a name / 01/10/2013 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
by Amy / 01/10/2013 at 12:09am / United States / Intimacy
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
by GDBeast / 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML
by alynna007 / 01/02/2013 at 5:31am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
by lingling / 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML
by surrounded by dumbfucks / 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek
Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 5:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2012 at 3:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML
by Mimi / 11/29/2012 at 12:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/28/2012 at 1:32am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by Bliggins / 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
by jasmith / 11/18/2012 at 2:45am / United States (Texas) / Love