Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

starw0lf

Offline (the 07/06/2015 at 7:02pm) | Search for a member

starw0lf

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3210
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.

starw0lf's page activity

Visits<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 10:13pm<b>badassmf1234</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 6:40am<b>Passerbyer</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 1:47am<b>xDochx</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:12am<b>blackhawkdown69</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 8:22pm<b>yamuri</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 8:26am<b>Soxfan16</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 10:15pm<b>guineagirl</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 12:02pm<b>SpiderInsomniac</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 9:15pm<b>chattysoul890</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 5:54am<b>jicou</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 5:40am<b>foxxakush</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 5:37am<b>Broadway_Vayne</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 4:06am<b>UnluckyGenius</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 9:29pm<b>earmuffs</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 6:27am<b>silentshadow90</b> - the 11/23/2013 at 8:27am<b>camjarvis44</b> - the 11/21/2013 at 7:17pm<b>capri96</b> - the 11/21/2013 at 3:47am

starw0lf's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of starw0lf's badges

starw0lf's favorite FMLs

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48749) - you deserved it (15843)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I put my 3 year old down for her regular nap. About an hour later I wake up from a dream where I was smelling something awful. When I woke up, the smell was still there, so I tracked it down. My daughter had decided to "fingerpaint" with the contents of a dirty diaper. FML

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

#2344396
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18071) - you deserved it (115031)

On 05/27/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by tarini (woman) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

#1834550
641 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94801) - you deserved it (8642)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

#1588127
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48548) - you deserved it (7830)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by TooShort (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal on accident. FML

#1206397
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70278) - you deserved it (27030)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by hairball (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (504958) - you deserved it (31117)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12750) - you deserved it (119996)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39629) - you deserved it (326660)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML

#889567
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51872) - you deserved it (26192)

On 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by blutownie13 - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

#800940
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38872) - you deserved it (172538)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

#740938
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62187) - you deserved it (9156)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

#720830
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110159) - you deserved it (7504)

On 03/31/2009 at 6:44am - love - by lizzardbreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

#580113
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (628075) - you deserved it (38351)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

#539856
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67091) - you deserved it (32176)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm - kids - by Noca (woman) - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: