About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
by Slash / 06/16/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
by psychortiz / 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I put my 3 year old down for her regular nap. About an hour later I wake up from a dream where I was smelling something awful. When I woke up, the smell was still there, so I tracked it down. My daughter had decided to "fingerpaint" with the contents of a dirty diaper. FML
by cgregg01 / 06/03/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML
by tarini / 05/27/2009 at 4:12pm / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Love
by Hallllo / 05/11/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by TooShort / 05/03/2009 at 10:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML
by hairball / 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
by soontobedivorced / 04/19/2009 at 12:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML
by asdfghjkl / 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by blutownie13 / 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/01/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML
by lizzardbreath / 03/31/2009 at 6:44am / United States (California) / Love
by happybirthday / 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend,… Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to… Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the…