About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML
by jaimie / 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by me / 03/02/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (Washington) / Money
by duckthehack / 01/28/2011 at 9:25am / Poland (Wielkopolskie) / Kids
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 9:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2010 at 8:55pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML
Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML
by hwscrewed / 11/09/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 3:15pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML
by lilmamma / 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
by katie06 / 10/28/2010 at 2:39am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Lauren Smith / 10/17/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Drew / 08/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd… Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I… Today, in a queue to the ATM, a hot girl was standing in front of me. The girl's boyfriend grabbed…