About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
by TKDConnor92 / 07/22/2011 at 6:51am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/18/2011 at 4:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML
by xBubbles38 / 07/18/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Kids
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
by WasteOMoney / 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by MakeMyDay_27 / 06/27/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Unsanitary / 06/26/2011 at 6:32am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML
by kimboslice106 / 06/08/2011 at 1:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by uetlqdja / 05/21/2011 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Love
by weirdome23 / 04/26/2011 at 5:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Tweety / 04/09/2011 at 7:40am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML
by heathersmorin / 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 5:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
by parenting_failure / 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm / Kids
- Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first… Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush… Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had…