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starw0lf

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starw0lf
  • Town/Country : Maine, USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1233
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.

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starw0lf's favorite FMLs

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

#18222551
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10269) - you deserved it (52113)

On 11/11/2011 at 8:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

#18202130
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43274) - you deserved it (6330)

On 11/09/2011 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

#18117360
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40347) - you deserved it (8272)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Andrew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

#18108798
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43182) - you deserved it (2454)

On 10/30/2011 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

#17941193
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19885) - you deserved it (11302)

On 10/09/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by glitterzebra - United States (Colorado)

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

#17789200
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25915) - you deserved it (34498) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/20/2011 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by Prinpette - France

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55202) - you deserved it (6813)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

#17481344
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11848) - you deserved it (32327)

On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

#17429124
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31623) - you deserved it (2216)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm - health - by teeth (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

#17406072
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20698) - you deserved it (3366)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to see a movie I'd been waiting months for. A couple of women sat down a few rows in front of me with five infants. The infants cried and wailed throughout. I'm not sure I have any idea what was actually said in any of the dialogue. FML

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

#17214769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24644) - you deserved it (5979)

On 07/22/2011 at 6:51am - kids - by TKDConnor92 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to meet the girl he has been cheating on me with. He thinks it makes the cheating more understandable if I see how 'hot' she is. FML

#17165263
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58791) - you deserved it (5532)

On 07/18/2011 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32666) - you deserved it (4408)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

#16966057
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33852) - you deserved it (5012)

On 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by WasteOMoney - United States (Texas)



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