About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
by immy504 / 11/30/2011 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML
by cheated / 11/23/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML
by metallifreak44 / 11/14/2011 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML
by mintypoison / 11/13/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/11/2011 at 8:55pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 3:00pm / Canada / Love
by Andrew / 10/31/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 2:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by glitterzebra / 10/09/2011 at 4:30am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Prinpette / 09/20/2011 at 5:20pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
by ollie179 / 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by teeth / 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by MissArizona / 08/08/2011 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see a movie I'd been waiting months for. A couple of women sat down a few rows in front of me with five infants. The infants cried and wailed throughout. I'm not sure I have any idea what was actually said in any of the dialogue. FML
by AceGeek / 07/22/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (California) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…
- Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why?… Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men… Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come…