starryeyed_0811

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starryeyed_0811

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 27 January 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2446
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About starryeyed_0811 : That's my dog. Not me....just in case there was any confusion. I love FMLs! I get some type of twisted joy by reading other people's bad experiences. Well yea that's it. "Hugga Mugga." : )

starryeyed_0811's page activity

Visits<b>frranman</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 8:38pm<b>Trollx</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 7:20pm<b>PostItSticker</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 6:44pm<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 1:28pm<b>andyhitts25</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 2:55am<b>flufee2</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 4:28pm<b>suplarai</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 10:58pm<b>Katiakatxx</b> - the 12/06/2013 at 8:16pm<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 6:22am<b>Just_Ya</b> - the 11/29/2013 at 7:49am<b>rebecca_xo</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 2:36pm<b>amtkldr</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 11:53am<b>poulkrebs</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 4:54pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 7:54pm<b>RichardDickanus</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 7:41pm<b>vj21</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 6:17pm<b>chargers2588</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 11:36am<b>vanessuhm</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 5:26am

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starryeyed_0811's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

by anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

by stalked / 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

by bear food / 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

by tpj24 / 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

by Mels / 01/06/2014 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

by fuck off, dad / 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 12:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

by erjazo / 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

by awkword / 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2013 at 2:55am / Intimacy