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smashbee72

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smashbee72

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smashbee72's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39535) - you deserved it (4933)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

#21187944
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46885) - you deserved it (12211)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by fredfredburger (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

#21185679
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46726) - you deserved it (5327)

On 06/23/2014 at 7:13pm - kids - by Anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

#21177356
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25009) - you deserved it (44085)

On 06/16/2014 at 10:45pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

#21175899
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43796) - you deserved it (4937)

On 06/15/2014 at 8:21pm - work - by caleighrossi - United States (Iowa)

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41160) - you deserved it (8350)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62071) - you deserved it (27004)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

#21020397
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49310) - you deserved it (4801)

On 01/07/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

#21014175
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44256) - you deserved it (4405)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by fuck off, dad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55567) - you deserved it (12021)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44455) - you deserved it (5334)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

#21007541
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38365) - you deserved it (3506)

On 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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