slytherbitch

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Offline (the 01/05/2015 at 3:24am)

slytherbitch

0Fucked!

slytherbitchslytherbitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 830
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About slytherbitch : An aspiring RN, I've been with my firefighter fiancé for over three years, and we recently welcomed the cutest lil nugget on October 8th. And yes, that's her in my profile picture.

In case you were wondering, my username does indeed come from Harry Potter. So there you have it. I also have a tumblr with the name slytherbitch, if you want to check it out. :)

slytherbitch's page activity

Visits<b>george_s_4</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 12:59pm<b>kissingsunshine</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 2:15am<b>Dramori</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 4:01am<b>Targaeryen</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 1:39pm<b>nicolai44</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 4:22am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 11:46pm<b>OZ300</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 11:07pm<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 10:46pm<b>TCRII</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 10:43pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 9:15pm<b>ronnie7pt</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 8:25pm<b>TellMeThings</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 7:32pm<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 8:56am<b>boobear19883</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 3:03am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 2:58am<b>gaptt</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 12:09am<b>dakota_bear</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 7:37pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 10:03pm

slytherbitch's FML badges

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Checking you out

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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slytherbitch's favorite FMLs

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

by gb / 08/18/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

by undoable / 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

by Oops / 05/23/2010 at 5:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

by gotitEVERYWHERE / 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

by PukinFireman / 10/17/2009 at 4:20am / United States / Work