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slowlybreakingme

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slowlybreakingme
  • Town/Country : San Diego, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 4197
  • Number of comments : 125
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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slowlybreakingme's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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slowlybreakingme's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

#16676929
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40528) - you deserved it (3127)

On 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm - health - by Braxam - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11504) - you deserved it (55302)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

#16639445
448 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41773) - you deserved it (4243)

On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

#16569461
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38865) - you deserved it (3603)

On 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

#16541898
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42968) - you deserved it (11018)

On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

#16524791
575 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90881) - you deserved it (9841)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by KillMeNow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

#16499579
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13250) - you deserved it (40755)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by Flarewolf (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40120) - you deserved it (2868)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

#16466460
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30858) - you deserved it (14181)

On 06/02/2011 at 10:49am - intimacy - by satisfied88 -

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61488) - you deserved it (3350)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

#16448607
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31998) - you deserved it (4042)

On 06/01/2011 at 7:53am - misc - by iscreamforicecream (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

#16341966
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44137) - you deserved it (8673)

On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19651) - you deserved it (40020)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66072) - you deserved it (3343)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52238) - you deserved it (7877)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)



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