About slick5880 : Unlimited potential with zero initiative.
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slick5880's favorite FMLs
Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML
by HomeImprover / 11/02/2016 at 1:34pm / Transportation
Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML
by T3kM4n / 09/20/2016 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 6:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
by HURP / 06/17/2015 at 11:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation
by Awkward / 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Ugly / 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
by twinArmageddon2 / 04/15/2013 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
by Sarah / 01/26/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me…