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sleepy_jaz

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sleepy_jaz

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  • Number of visits : 1506
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sleepy_jaz's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (1603)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26654) - you deserved it (1932)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

#21414342
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23909) - you deserved it (2934)

On 05/23/2015 at 7:06am - kids - by DENTALITY (woman) - Norway

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29016) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29869) - you deserved it (2208)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

#21409927
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30813) - you deserved it (3535)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:41am - money - by sparkyjaf - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

#21409835
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (2150)

On 05/14/2015 at 1:11am - animals - by cricketsins (woman) - United States

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (8687)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27922) - you deserved it (2075)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30486) - you deserved it (2787)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31654) - you deserved it (5295)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

#21406178
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (6260)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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