About sleaves : I don't like people.
sleaves's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
sleaves's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 4:55am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by anonymous / 01/25/2016 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML
by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML
by auto boogie man / 11/19/2015 at 11:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 9:25am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm / United States / Animals
by bootyislife / 06/16/2015 at 4:01pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 4:57am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML
by confusing / 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm / Zimbabwe / Work
by BetterThanChocolate / 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML
by emergencyroom / 03/15/2014 at 8:21am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
- Today, my two moms were telling some fairly obscene jokes about their sex life. When I told them to… Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent… Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the…