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skeetie3395's favorite FMLs
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work
by x_o / 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm / Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 6:48pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
by i hit a cyclist / 05/27/2013 at 7:19am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML
by death bed / 02/13/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm / United States / Health
by still hungry / 04/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by chlolivia / 02/13/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by idrathernotgiveoutmyname / 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm / Canada / Intimacy
by sisco2901 / 01/22/2012 at 4:12am / Slovakia (Nitra) / Love
by suffersecks / 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I had a horrible day at work. To make myself feel better I ordered Chinese from my favorite… Today, I was teaching a new employee on how to put out a grease fire while it was still in the pan.… Today, this homeless guy asked me for a monetary donation towards his dinner. I offered to buy him…