simplyblades

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Offline (the 01/27/2015 at 3:06am)

simplyblades

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4638
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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simplyblades's page activity

Visits<b>Flasby</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 12:39pm<b>Etched</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 11:44pm<b>akosua</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 2:36pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 5:51pm<b>pepsiisgross</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 8:38pm<b>uzee</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 4:15pm<b>Kar0</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 5:14pm<b>tacojauns</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 6:31pm<b>ThatGuyWithFMLs</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 9:44am<b>WiseGirl98</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 8:18am<b>pattycmom</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 1:57pm<b>xplicitkontent</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 12:34am<b>nika10105</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 2:16pm<b>caffeineneko45</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 12:59pm<b>MilkyFilmz</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 9:18am<b>CoolKidAL</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 2:26am<b>BellaBelle</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 1:32am<b>PickledSweets</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 9:03pm

simplyblades's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of simplyblades's badges

simplyblades's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 10:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

by King_of_hearts / 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

by richard / 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 1:14am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

by broken vows / 03/15/2014 at 5:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

by ashamedklutz / 02/21/2014 at 7:20pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

by Sexy Rash / 02/21/2014 at 6:26pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 1:11pm / United States / Transportation

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

by Avomitmous / 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

by O_o / 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML