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silve's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML
by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML
by Krystl / 09/18/2016 at 12:35pm / Australia / Work
by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML
by Rabite / 09/15/2016 at 10:48am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Transportation
Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML
by Weddingbelles / 09/12/2016 at 11:52am / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Ihatepants / 08/31/2016 at 9:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML
by fmlsheffgirl / 07/25/2016 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work
by LacrosseFAIL / 07/16/2016 at 6:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by DesperateMother / 06/28/2016 at 6:12am / France (Alsace) / Kids
by slim_breezy / 06/04/2016 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML
by muaythaiboss / 05/22/2016 at 1:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML
by DeathbyWording / 04/29/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML
by Katt / 04/25/2016 at 2:04pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous