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silentshadow90's favorite FMLs
by NestHead / 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Animals
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
by anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 1:36am / United States (West Virginia) / Love
Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by Christian / 09/28/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 7:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML
by ;_;" / 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Work
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML
by horriblefashionsense / 09/26/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by AnAwesomePerson7 / 09/25/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
by scared shitless in ohio / 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 11:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Grand Slam / 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to… Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I… Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not…