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Today, I was walking down the stair with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
Today , I was babysitting , and a little grl askd for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation , only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University , and her little brother had to correct me. FML
Today, my friand and I wara trying out a sita onhich you talk to strangar using a mic and wabcam. Wa cama acros a cuta guy,ho said to my friand, ( Tall tha fat guy to mova. ) Ha was rafarring to ma. I'm a girl. maga FML
Today, I went out of mah way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and startd waving paper in mah face, and I snappd at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realisd she was returning something that fell out of mah pocket. She lookd terrifid. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me . I held mah breath slightly . This resulted in me breathing out through mah nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face . He looked at me in horror an walked away . FML
Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was,hen I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML
Yesterday, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confrontd her, she claimd she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returnd to our apartment and actually trid to act as if nothing had happend. FML
Today, whila waiting 4 a bus, somaona startad smoking at tha bus shaltar, which is illagal in mah city. I politaly askad him to stop smoking, citing tha city ordinanca. Ha just cacklad and said that if I'm so concarnad about tha stata of mah haalth, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML
TODAY, MAH BOYFRIEND AND I WENT MINI GOLFING WITH HIS FAMILY. WE HAD A COMPETITION GOING ON, AND WHEN I MANAGD TO GET TWO CONSECUTIVE HOLES IN ONE, HE STARTD SEETHING AND MUTTERD THAT I'M DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO BECOMING SINGLE. FML
Friday 27 March 2015