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shellykjelly's favorite FMLs
Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
by oped01 / 10/17/2016 at 8:15pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML
by chrisinator / 10/11/2016 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
by Alyssa / 09/21/2016 at 3:17am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Loose Ends / 09/14/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Sadmom / 09/13/2016 at 10:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML
by 4fingerdiscount / 09/13/2016 at 7:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by Gottabekidding / 09/08/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML
by mermaidkeels / 09/08/2016 at 12:54am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML
by nevaagain / 08/19/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML
by Innocent / 08/18/2016 at 7:03pm / New Zealand / Transportation
Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML
by LoveStinks / 08/18/2016 at 6:56am / Love
by Ummm / 08/03/2016 at 3:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Heknowsnothing / 07/13/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by DumbassRoaster / 07/10/2016 at 3:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals