sexysaltshaker

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Offline (the 09/20/2014 at 8:53pm)

sexysaltshaker

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1209
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About sexysaltshaker : Always late, always blonde, always yawning.

sexysaltshaker's page activity

Visits<b>pheizer01</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 3:29pm<b>chr1sF</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 11:38am<b>The_Big_Boss</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 1:55am<b>lulumars</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 12:24am<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 5:30pm<b>dantee2005</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 10:51am<b>Throggdor</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:11am<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:41pm<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 11:03pm<b>Loomunati</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 8:36am<b>insulinshot</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 10:26pm<b>qwerty401</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 9:51pm<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:24pm<b>barneystinson45</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 9:15am<b>saocrates</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 8:04pm<b>abylenee_</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:50pm<b>Fyrepower</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:47pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:54pm

Fucked!<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 11:31pm

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sexysaltshaker's favorite FMLs

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

by paranoid neighborhood / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Kids

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

by fs / 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

by thatsnotacat / 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

by praise the prenup / 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

by jitiizer / 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

by hannah / 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm / New Zealand (Marlborough) / Love

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

by AmihayG / 03/27/2012 at 12:32pm / Israel / Transportation