About sexysaltshaker : Always late, always blonde, always yawning.
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sexysaltshaker's favorite FMLs
by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
by paranoid neighborhood / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Kids
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
by fs / 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
by thatsnotacat / 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by praise the prenup / 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by jitiizer / 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML
by hannah / 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm / New Zealand (Marlborough) / Love
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by AmihayG / 03/27/2012 at 12:32pm / Israel / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…