About sexaybitch : Hey there! My name is Nicole! I love gays because....... I'm a lesbian! I support any one and judge no one no matter what kind of religion, skin color, or sexual orientation. Help spread gay pride! I have the best and most beautiful girlfriend ever, I have been dating her for 4 years now and I would do anything in the world for her and I absolutely love her to pieces and... She proposed!!
sexaybitch's FML badges
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
sexaybitch's favorite FMLs
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anon / 06/26/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML
by icandothecancan / 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
by anon / 06/20/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML
by latinalocks / 06/20/2014 at 12:59am / United States / Work
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML
by Drunken Sailor / 06/27/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML
by creepyeyes / 06/21/2009 at 2:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
by Aether / 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
by stellarshaun / 01/16/2009 at 5:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- « Previous page
- Next page »
- Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my…
- Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I… Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…