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selectiveamnesia's favorite FMLs
by User / 09/23/2013 at 1:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 7:48am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML
by damn / 01/04/2013 at 9:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by dudeyouarefired / 12/20/2012 at 3:16am / Miscellaneous
by WTFFAIL / 12/03/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
by dummy / 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML
by fartwoman / 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…