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sehrgutmann

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sehrgutmann
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 87
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sehrgutmann's favorite FMLs

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

#21119838
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24223) - you deserved it (1866)

On 04/22/2014 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32719) - you deserved it (8464)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35125) - you deserved it (7471)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41179) - you deserved it (5166)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35744) - you deserved it (5596)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46594) - you deserved it (5055)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

#21080512
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37922) - you deserved it (3519)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47287) - you deserved it (5528)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46514) - you deserved it (13876)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40700) - you deserved it (9267)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53024) - you deserved it (4598)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46804) - you deserved it (3991)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46984) - you deserved it (9162)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



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