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savannahisbatman's favorite FMLs
Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML
by davincidasecond / 11/05/2013 at 12:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by DisgustinglyFrustrated / 10/10/2013 at 11:40am / Argentina (Santa Fe) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML
by she knows / 10/08/2013 at 12:30pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
by thisguy / 10/08/2013 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids
Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
by -____- / 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by pancakelicious / 10/04/2013 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Intimacy
Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML
by okaythen / 10/04/2013 at 5:37am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
by f.a.t. / 10/04/2013 at 4:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML
by whyme / 09/12/2013 at 10:44am / United States (Florida) / Love
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that… Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm… Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool…