About sassypants93 : I may use some bad puns. They just come easily to me. Most of the time I hold back though. I just get on FML for a quick laugh or two. You can message me anytime. I may take a little while to get back to you because I don't look at my messages all the time.
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sassypants93's favorite FMLs
by oh / 12/06/2013 at 4:20pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML
by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML
by Greg / 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 3:01pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Intimacy
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
by sal / 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 9:31am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by Kelly / 08/02/2012 at 4:11am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my best friend and I broke up with our respective girlfriends, so we could go on holiday and meet lots of new women. Instead, within a few hours, he got back with his ex, and they're planning their own holiday together. FML
by JPTK / 06/17/2012 at 12:08pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by me / 02/21/2012 at 6:56pm / United States / Transportation
- Today, I was trying to get my nail polish off in a rush. I had my nail polish remover propped up in… Today, my housemate called a house meeting. She opened the meeting by asking me to find a new place… Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying…