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sarahperez's favorite FMLs
by mmvv / 02/08/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Love
Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML
by newniece / 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 1:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML
by TacoFail / 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 11:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML
by imsad / 11/06/2009 at 5:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML
by Good_old_Grim / 10/15/2009 at 9:51am / Latvia (Riga) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML
by explodingpupppet / 09/30/2009 at 12:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML
by scarlet5000 / 09/26/2009 at 2:32am / United States / Transportation
by nonmormon / 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML
by LP / 06/14/2009 at 10:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML
by Invisible / 05/22/2009 at 3:27pm / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love
Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML
by ewwww / 04/27/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 10:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous