samual

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samual

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 841
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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samual's page activity

Visits<b>smeegle</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 6:52pm<b>rydin10</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 8:21am<b>tokiohotel2012</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 1:38pm<b>TheJasonLi</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 1:06am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:12pm<b></b> - the 01/10/2011 at 11:47pm

samual's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

samual's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

by sadface / 01/04/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

by Proof-Reader / 12/15/2009 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

by IB6UB9 / 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm / United States / Love

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

by moon_paw / 11/28/2009 at 11:17am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

by Dummy / 11/10/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 8:53am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

by prince-charming / 11/07/2009 at 5:12am / Kuwait / Work

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

by Anon / 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

by Cellismasher / 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

by Granny / 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

by FingerBang / 10/21/2009 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

by Twinner / 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Transportation