Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

saf99me

Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member

saf99me

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 21 September 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 638
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About saf99me : I love reading FML's when I need to have a laugh xD xD

saf99me's page activity

Visits<b>noisyboy4000</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 10:28pm<b>Atomic_Mushroom</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 7:49pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 3:42pm<b>Dogfoodlid</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 3:07am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 12:04am<b>lonter20</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 5:19pm<b>kikoma</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 5:08pm<b>Ch_rae5</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 11:30am<b>csmiles</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:03am<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 10:56pm<b>TeenieRee_2032</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 8:12am<b>Cadillac_kid_15</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 4:44pm<b>usarmywife</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 5:43am<b>Marie54321</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:43pm<b>patrickeli</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 6:24pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 11:51pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 7:29pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 3:48pm

saf99me's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of saf99me's badges

saf99me's favorite FMLs

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24119) - you deserved it (9574)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32052) - you deserved it (4913)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

#21390720
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33314) - you deserved it (1810)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm - work - by PrettySureItsReal - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

#21378332
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24973) - you deserved it (74)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18788) - you deserved it (35652)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27357) - you deserved it (5944)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

#21317146
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17055) - you deserved it (26237)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I slept over at my new boyfriend's house for the first time. When I woke up in the morning, he told me all about how much gas I'd had through the night. He said he thought he had a grown man in his bed instead of me. FML

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

#21277425
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33135) - you deserved it (4475)

On 10/14/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by longdrive - United States (California)

Today, my eight-year-old brother told his classmates that I have cancer. Nope, just really bad acne. FML

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

#20520875
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27508) - you deserved it (3294)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by why the fuck would you do that - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

#20422230
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10223) - you deserved it (31343)

On 12/25/2012 at 9:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29780) - you deserved it (4558)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: