ryan5w4

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Offline (the 04/01/2015 at 8:40pm)

ryan5w4

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1060
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ryan5w4's page activity

Visits<b>DarkPandaXD</b> - the 12/24/2013 at 6:37pm<b>zman0900</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 7:22am<b>loltroll667</b> - the 03/29/2013 at 2:43am

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ryan5w4's favorite FMLs

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

by StillPissedOffAtIrony / 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

by UghDude / 09/06/2014 at 9:35am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

by MusicLover18 / 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2014 at 10:56am / Japan / Love

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

by NotInTheRightPlace / 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2014 at 4:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

by hot sweet.... not / 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Kids

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

by fuck you right back, cockspit / 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:47am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

by Parusu / 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

by aarong / 02/10/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

by blushingbride / 02/09/2014 at 4:59pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2014 at 2:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love