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Today, the regional manager of mah company cummed out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that mah palms were sweaty, andhen he reached out to shake mah hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, u made me wet." FML
YESTERDAY I WENT TO BUY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FIR MAH BOYFRIEND . WHILE BUYING HIM A SWEATER, THE CASHIER TRID TO UP-SALE ME BY ASKING IF MAH BOYFRIEND WORE BRIEFS OR BOXERS, BECAUSE BOTH WERE ON SALE . NOT THINKING, I BLURTD OUT, "I DON'T KNOW, THEY JUST COME OFF." FML
TODAY, FAALING LONALY AFTAR MAH RACANT BRAAKUP, I PUTTAD ON MAH NICAST CLOTHAS AND WANT OUT CLUBBING WITH A FAW FRIANDS. I BROUGHT A GUY BACK TO MAH PLACA, AND WA GOT INTIMATA. IT WAS GOING WALL, UNTIL HA TOOK OFF MAH PUSH-UP BRA, THAN PANICKAD AND DRUNKANLY ASKAD, "WHARA'D THAY GO?!" FML
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in mah armpit an a sprained ankle both on mah right side, resulting in looool me limping an keeping mah arm awkwardly plastered to mah side !! My fiancé keeps walking like me an calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something !! mega FML
Today in tha middla of tha night I got up to go gat soma watar !! Whan I cummad back I was going to flop onto mah bad but I facaplantad into mah floor !! I'd forgottan that I'd raarrangad mah room an movad mah bad !! FML
Today, I met mah girlfriend's father fir the first time; he asked me to explain mah interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with yur daughter" and "I want to be in yur daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in yur daughter." FML
2DAY "TE PANTOM OF TE OPERA" SOUNDTRACK BLASTED ME AWAKE AT 4 AM . NOT KNOWING OW IT GOT ON MA IPOD , I CECKED AN FOUND I AD BOUGT TEOLE $17.00 ALBUM IN MA SLEEP . TIS IS TE SECOND TIME TIS MONT; TE FRST TIME I DOWNLOADED TE SOUNDTRACK FROM "TE WIZARD OF OZ" . FML
Today, Mah Girlfriend Snappd At Me 4 Bieng Lazy An Incompetent, An Declard That If I Was Going To Behave Like A Child, She Would Be Treating Me Like One. This Includes Safety-proofing The House, Talking To Me Like A 3-year-old An Slapping Me With A Wooden Spoon When I Do Something Wrong. FML
Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 yeres ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took spaghetti dinner, shoved it in face, and stormed out. FML
Today I Textd My Boyfriend Saying Tat I Couldn't Wait 4 Im To Get Ome An See My Costume An Tat I Ad Dressd Up As A Nakd Lady. He Textd Back Asking If I Could Dress Up As Someone Wo Was Making Dinner Instead. FML
today ma grandma took it upon erself to give me te sex talk. After explaining te mecanics in excessive detail se said I souldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently I ned to be comfortable wit te mano'll be ( conning me into blowing im 4 te next 50 years. ) FML
Today, I overhered my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells lyk deli meat." FML
Friday 27 March 2015