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revan546's FML badges
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revan546's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
by littlefinger / 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML
by well SHIT / 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
by lyss / 02/16/2014 at 5:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
by icyrebel25 / 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by itsellie27 / 08/30/2013 at 10:44am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm / Finland / Kids
by SimG / 07/07/2013 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML
by revan546 / 04/26/2013 at 9:23am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by Wtf is wrong with her / 12/30/2012 at 12:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML
by but I tried anal and everything / 11/22/2012 at 11:13am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and… Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door… Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he…
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…