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rangerPat's favorite FMLs
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
by Annonymous_Dad / 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML
by QueenOrangeSoda / 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by lonely / 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 7:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
by moosemay / 04/02/2013 at 11:04am / Germany (Bayern) / Health
by notagyno / 03/29/2013 at 10:19am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML
by great_just_great / 02/24/2013 at 12:48am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 6:10am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
by ninja_blasphemer / 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…